So, today is one of those days where I feel completely crappy. I try to be positive about everything, but sometimes the positivity kicks my butt. Jennifer Garner said it well in “Juno”: “Have you ever felt like you were just born to do something?.... I was born to be a mother”. All my life I have felt this way – hoping that one day I would get the life-altering opportunity to be a mom. Not just any mom, a great mom.
Today, I just feel rather negative. I hate taking all these drugs, and I haven’t even started the injections yet. Don’t get me wrong: I will do whatever I can to make my dream of being a mom come true, but I wish it were easier for us. I wish that I was one of those super-dee-duper fertile people that got pregnant when my husband just looked in my direction. I am very envious of that. Genetically, I feel like a failure. As a female, I feel like a failure – wondering, “If I can’t have any children because my body refuses to do so, am I still a woman?”
Every part of my being says that this will happen and I won’t have to wait long for it to occur; however, the negativity rears its evil, selfish head every once in a while. This negativity is just a battle. A battle that I am willing to fight and will ultimately win, but until that day comes, prayer and love will have to do.
Sorry to blog your eyes out with my craziness. ☺
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
April 2011 Cycle
Well, we have started! This is our first cycle with the Menopur and Ovidrel injections. For those who don’t know and want to, here is my schedule for this cycle:
Progesterone (Provera) tablets for 10 days
Day 1 – Start cycle (about 3 days after my last Provera pill)
Day 3 - 7 – take 2 Clomid tabs
Day 7 - 9 – inject Menopur (two vials) at night
Day 12 – go to RE’s office for an ultrasound to see if my follicles are big enough and ready. If one is ready, then I take one more injection (Ovidrel)
Day 12 – 15 – If all goes well with the ultrasound, then don’t bother calling us. We will be a bit busy. ☺
I started my Provera tabs on 3.30.11; so, I am still taking them. I really don’t like this part of the cycle. I am always extremely anxious, but don’t feel so hot because of the hormones – I suppose. Not to mention, that because we are getting rid of the proverbial cobwebs, I am not really comfortable until my cycles are completely over (between Day 5 - 9) At any rate, this is my fourth time taking Clomid, which can make you loony as well. GREAT! I bet David is so happy.
Anyway, so, that is how my April is shaping up! Still hoping for our miracle(s).
On another note, we ate at PF Chang’s on Friday. While my fortune was just b-o-r-i-n-g, David’s put a smile on our faces: “ Good News of Long-awaited event will arrive soon.”
Progesterone (Provera) tablets for 10 days
Day 1 – Start cycle (about 3 days after my last Provera pill)
Day 3 - 7 – take 2 Clomid tabs
Day 7 - 9 – inject Menopur (two vials) at night
Day 12 – go to RE’s office for an ultrasound to see if my follicles are big enough and ready. If one is ready, then I take one more injection (Ovidrel)
Day 12 – 15 – If all goes well with the ultrasound, then don’t bother calling us. We will be a bit busy. ☺
I started my Provera tabs on 3.30.11; so, I am still taking them. I really don’t like this part of the cycle. I am always extremely anxious, but don’t feel so hot because of the hormones – I suppose. Not to mention, that because we are getting rid of the proverbial cobwebs, I am not really comfortable until my cycles are completely over (between Day 5 - 9) At any rate, this is my fourth time taking Clomid, which can make you loony as well. GREAT! I bet David is so happy.
Anyway, so, that is how my April is shaping up! Still hoping for our miracle(s).
On another note, we ate at PF Chang’s on Friday. While my fortune was just b-o-r-i-n-g, David’s put a smile on our faces: “ Good News of Long-awaited event will arrive soon.”
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