So, today is one of those days where I feel completely crappy. I try to be positive about everything, but sometimes the positivity kicks my butt. Jennifer Garner said it well in “Juno”: “Have you ever felt like you were just born to do something?.... I was born to be a mother”. All my life I have felt this way – hoping that one day I would get the life-altering opportunity to be a mom. Not just any mom, a great mom.
Today, I just feel rather negative. I hate taking all these drugs, and I haven’t even started the injections yet. Don’t get me wrong: I will do whatever I can to make my dream of being a mom come true, but I wish it were easier for us. I wish that I was one of those super-dee-duper fertile people that got pregnant when my husband just looked in my direction. I am very envious of that. Genetically, I feel like a failure. As a female, I feel like a failure – wondering, “If I can’t have any children because my body refuses to do so, am I still a woman?”
Every part of my being says that this will happen and I won’t have to wait long for it to occur; however, the negativity rears its evil, selfish head every once in a while. This negativity is just a battle. A battle that I am willing to fight and will ultimately win, but until that day comes, prayer and love will have to do.
Sorry to blog your eyes out with my craziness. ☺
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Dr Itua herbal medicine got me back into it.